Read This to Build Your Player’s Self Confidence
Being involved in youth sports is a wonderful way to create and grow self-confidence in your child. The following article is an excerpt from an interview between Executive Editor, TK Stohlman and Dr. Darrell Burnett, a Clinical Child Psychologist and Certified Sports Psychologist. Dr. Burnett provides some excellent advice for building self confidence in your player.
TK: Darrell you’ve spoken to thousands of youth sports families across the world. From your experience how can parents create a sense of confidence in their young athlete?
Darrell: That is a great question. I think this starts by developing confidence in the kid regardless of the application. This can be sports, academics or whatever is a challenge. When I think of self-confidence and kids in sports there are two things you have to look at. One is the motivation factor. Namely, the way a kid is motivated to participate in sports. There are two ways that individuals are motivated in sports. One is an ego, “me me me” kind of motivation. This is where a player thinks “I am as good as the opponent that I defeat. Every time I lose, I’m a loser.” With that kind of motivation, the player can start to lose confidence because there is normally somebody, or some team that is better. Typically, when kids start in youth sports there are no confidence issues. They are all out there having fun. As kids get older they start to compare and think “I’m not as fast as Johnny.” Or “I can’t throw the ball as good as Carlos.” With this mentality, if they don’t get the starting position or they lose a game it really affects their self-confidence.
The second area of motivation takes place in what we call task mastery. In this scenario, the player is thinking he is as good as his skills. This allows him to keep developing regardless of the outcome of the event. It doesn’t matter if they win or lose, they are working on skills. With this type of motivation the player focuses on improvement. This is an excellent way to boost self-confidence because the player has at least three ways to measure how he’s doing:
- Frequency -Doing good stuff more often
- Duration – How long something lasts
- Intensity – How much energy you’re putting into it
If you want to develop your child’s confidence take a look at the motivation. How do you get a kid to think task mastery rather than the ego scenario? Many times, that comes from mom and dad. If parents put the emphasis on skills and not on the end product, the player is more likely to focus on working on his skills.
Another aspect that affects a player’s self-confidence is self identification or self worth. This means a player feels worthwhile as a person without any additional trappings. If self-worth is based upon trappings such as talent, age or looks, when something goes wrong, self-confidence starts to fall apart. When it comes to sports, if a player sees themselves as a kid who happens to be an athlete, as opposed to an athlete who happens to be a kid, whatever happens in the sport, it will not destroy the player as a person. However, if the player’s only self view is as an athlete, then anything that happens in the athletic arena takes on a huge amount of importance regarding who they are as a person. So, where does this come from? Generally it is a reflection of how the kid is related to by their parents. If parents treat the player as a kid who happens to be an athlete, then there is a good chance the child will view himself that way.
In essence, there are two things to remember when developing self-confidence in your player. First, work with them on their motivation so that they are working on skills rather than who they are beating, and second, make sure you relate to your child as a kid first and athlete second.
Editor’s Note: Thank you to Darrell Burnett for this excellent advice.
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Written by Shelly · Filed Under Player Development
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